Part of the charm of the holiday season is spending time with family. My father sent me this email to remind me to send him a list of possible Christmas presents before I traveled to South Carolina to visit. The email was in itself a wonderful present:
Ms. Tricia Booker
Editor, The Chronicle of Cameron
Lower Upperville, VA
Dear Ms. Booker,
By virtue of the authority invested in me as your father, I hereby command you to send your mother and I a list of what you, Dr. Scheib and Master Cameron would like to receive for Christmas. I further request you do this without undo delay.
Failure to comply with this court order will result in severe consequences, including but not limited to your mother and I opening the Sears catalogue at random, standing back and throwing darts. You will be the recipients of whatever this random process selects. I need not point out this could be disastrous. What, for example, would you do with a “Switch, part #E10057” for a Model 921153191 Craftsman Air Compressor? Or
Dr. Scheib got a replacement head gasket for a 2012 Sportster Harley-Davidson Motorcycle? Or if Master Cameron were to receive a fifty pound drum of axle grease.
I would remind you that I have already suggested I would like a two drawer file cabinet. Be advised that if needs be, a thee drawer type would be acceptable though the two drawer would be my first choice.
I am unable to advise you on a choice for your mother. Reluctantly I must admit that in over fifty years of trying to get her to let me know what she might want I have never succeeded. If you do you are a better man than I, Gunga Din.
H. Edward Booker, Esq.